People change, things don't stay the same.

People change, some for the better, but some for the worse. They don't always stay as the same person that you used to know. You thought you know them as times goes by, but then times make you realized that you don't even know them. In fact, in the first place, it's just the different masks you seen that they have put on.

You will stay on and hold on this friendship, but do they think the same as you? Trying to hard, trying to act close, be close, talk to them whenever you can, cheer them up whenever they're feeling down. Giving them ideas and solution whenever they got into troubles or problems. But when you're the one feeling down, upsets, need someone to lend their ears to hear your unhappiness and shoulder for you to cry on, who will be there? No one. It's only you who are the only one who are holding on the friendship, making them feel that they are not alone. But are they trying as hard as you, or are they taking you for granted?

I'm always the one who will be keeping quiet, agreeing in things that people do, sometimes voicing out when i feel something wrong. If people listen, it's good. But if people don't, well, too bad. It just meant that they don't agree with that you just said. If you keep quiet, keeping opinions inside you, people will feel that you're not contributing. But when you voice out everything, people find that you are demanding, think too much, care too much. See how the things work now? You can't please every single one.

Pushing everything.

Bear that i got for L.

Year 2 life start, and life have been so hectic for me ever since i got drop out of competition. Either i'm working, schooling, driving, or hanging out w L. I'm glad that i took up the job that my sis introduced to me. It was quite relaxing and yes, the pay is consider not bad too. Can't wait for them to confirm me and my pay will be raised, so i can have more money to pamper myself.

I've started my driving lesson officially like finally. But sometimes due to cheer, i've to cancel my lessons. -_- can't wait to get my license though. Then my parents will stop nagging me bout driving and i have more excuse of going to cheer training. Though i say i'm not taking part in competition anymore, my parents still unhappy of me going to training. Their point is, since you not competing, then what for you go? They just couldn't understand what i want, and how i feel towards cheer. I love to stunt, but they just don't understand.

I really envy those family who are supportive of their own members, be understanding towards others. Having no stress and do whatever you like and having money always. I always feel that, if one were to be rebellious, it's not because the freedom that they have. It's how they think. If one is smart enough, they wouldn't do stupid things. But apparently my parents don't think that way and always controlling us, and when we talk back, we've changed and we will not have peaceful days for the coming few days. Oh well, what to do? suck thumb lor.

Can't wait to grow up seriously. I'm just pushing myself to the limit, having myself occupied so i will be home late, though come home late also will get scolded, at least i wouldn't have to face them throughout the night.

Everything comes to an end.

Was busy with cheer training due to nationals coming. But cause of last tuesday, i hit my head, i'm out of the team. I was so worried that i can't get back to the team when my mum don't let me go back. Finally i get to go back to the team just for nationals. Say nicely is want me to recuperate, but still if i really insist of going back, will i be given the chance? When C told me that there's no more chance, i really cried. i meant, i spent a year training so hard and fighting for the spot. Top16 was chosen twice. When i got chosen the first time, i'm so fucking stress that i didn't improve and instead i deprove and V even gave me warning.

I told myself, is this the standard i want continue? The stress level is too much, like really too much that i can't take it. Then after a long time, C decided to re-choose the top16, and i'm in again. I thought i wouldnt be chosen again since i was the first that C said that to him, i'm not in the team. I thought the person that will be in the team will be A and V. I even discussed with A that i will let out the slot, i dont want the stress level. But one day, when the both of us went to find C, he told us that there's NO MORE chances. And so A gave up, and i decided to really work hard and give my best.

Training was so far so good before i hit my head. There might be days where stunts never hit, but then when i was able to hit the stunt for consecutive time, it really boast up my morale and make me work hard even more. i dont know i can do it. i didn't know that i can improve so much within such a short period of time. But, 'cause of the incident, i've no choice but to be out of the team. I meant, if anyone of you is like me. Suddenly working hard for something for the first and last time, and all of suddenly, you're been told that you;re out. how will you feel?

I now really having mixed feelings towards them. Should i feel happy that they ASU, or should i be angry with them that they never speak up for me? I admit, and i'm not afraid to let anyone else know. J remind me of something, 'the team got convinced C?' idk, and i dont want to know. If they really stand out and talk for me, will i still be training with them, sweat, angry and fall together? I want to go down and see them train. But to think again, how would i feel if i'm not inside the routine, that i USED TO be..?


It's the first and last time i will be going to competition. But the chance that was given to me, was taken back. I dont even know if i'm allowed to go back training not due to my mum. I have to give up my passion. Do anyone even understand?

Fucking angry.

I can say that i've a very good temper that i dont get angry with people easily. This includes keep on disturbing none stop, but i will just shout or scream at them but just feeling irritated, and NOT ANGRY. But seriously this fucking DBMS teacher last warning. I tried very hard to stay attentive in class, but when i asked question, SHE'S ALWAYS IGNORING ME. or BRUSHING ME OFF to say after class then talk to me. BUT THIS NEVER HAPPENS. She always end class late and rush off immediately to the next class.

She only know how to say i should stop focusing so much on my CCA and more on academic. BUT YOU LIKE THAT KEEP IGNORING ME, I WANT LEARN, YOU DONT WANT RESPOND. HOW THE FUCK DO I LEARN AND IMPROVE? ARGH. GOING CRAZY ALRD LA.

Giving up?

Maybe i will.